Stronger Than You Know

I've had a nagging in the back of my mind for the past couple of weeks.  Some nights it's louder than others.  It all started with the looming of the husband having to leave in the upcoming months for an undetermined amount of time.  I get the arduous task of planning for him being gone.  How to get the kids to all their appointments, how to get them to events, all day to day things and any unforseen things.  It's the unforseen that has me on edge.  He may be one during hurricane season.  If this is the case, that leaves all the prep, boarding up, and anything of that nature up to me while he is gone.  Deciding whether or not to evacuate if need be.  My anxiety climbs thinking about it.

Then came the incident in Hawaii.  I'm sure by now everyone has heard of the false alert that went out over the islands, warning them of an incoming missile.  I can't even imagine the emotions that ran through them all, thinking they were basically about to say goodbye forever.  One thing in particular stood out to me though.  Military personnel were being moved.  This is their job.  I fully expect that to be the reaction when there is some sort of threat.  I did it myself when 9/11 happened.  But then, as a civilian, it caused a sinking pit in my stomach.  Those service members headed straight into work, not able to be with thier families and loved ones.  People leaving for work early in the morning before their families woke, then all having a scare that it was the last time they were going to see them.  Not even getting to say goodbye.  No decision to be made.  No choice but to go into work and do what you're trained to do.

These two events got me thinking even more.  Last year when we faced evacuation, so many people commented on how I was able to do so on my own.  Ships pull out when there are those natural dangers, which means service members go with them.  In the moment, I did what I had to do.  I didn't have time to dwell on the fact that all the major decisions were on my shoulders.  I had to just do because my kids depended on me.  Comparing the situations, and the feelings, I've found that that's the difference.  When you're in the moment and you have to do, you just do.  You find the strength buried deep inside and you run with it.  And yo don't stop running until it's over.  Thinking about the events in advance makes me sick.  My anxiety rises and I get scared.  Down right terrified.  Do I want my family to be scattered?  Do I want to be the one to make the tough choices?  No and no.  But do I do it?  Of course I do.  Because military life doesn't give you the option to not to. 

Everyone has these moments.  What we do with them is what matters.  Curl up and let it consume you, or trudge on  Find that you're stronger than you thought.  And when it's all over, have a glass of wine.

Holiday Recap

 

Now that the holidays have come and gone, the dust settled, the pine needles vacuumed, I wanted to take a second and look back at this past holiday season.  I know I mentioned last that we're in the middle of finding our new normal and what works for us during the holidays, so I feel like this is something that would be good for me to look back on for the upcoming year.

Last year (the 2016 holiday season) was basically put on hold.  The little one was too little to notice, and the big one was away at his dad's house for the actual Christmas day.  So we put it off until after New Year's day when the big one was home again and we were able to all be together.

This year, you can say we went all out.  For most people a Christmas Disney trip is huge.  Months of planning, reservations at various places to eat.  Plans on what to do.  Fast Passes booked at the booking window.  All the things.  For us, it's like a Wednesday.  Not to say that Disney isn't Magical or that we don't make any sort of plans, it's just that we don't try to cram everything into every trip. For a Disney trip, and a Christmas one at that, this was pretty low key.  And it worked for us.  I could claim to give the keys in how to low key a Disney trip, but that would be selling anyone short.  What works for us may not be someone else's cup of tea.

As a general Disney trip, we take a look at where we're staying (we have a goal of trying out as many of the on property resorts as we can) and what parks we want to visit.  For this last trip we did reserve a day per park, then looked at what we wanted to do the most for each one.

Hollywood Studios was the first stop.  Our main goal being to see Fantasmic.  This has been one of my favorite shows at the Disneyland resort for a long time, so I was interested in seeing how WDW did it.   We had a dinner reservation to try out one of the places we hadn't before, and the rest of the day was basically chill. 

For Christmas Eve we had a dinner booked for DVC Members, so we knew we wanted to do something near that venue.  Magic Kingdom was our park of choice.  Again, Disneyland goes all out with decorations and rides for the Christmas season, so we picked our favorites to Fast Pass and went from there.  We also booked a haircut for the little one which lucked us into an amazing spot to watch the Christmas Parade.  In case anyone was wondering, the "Jingle Cruise" at DL is done up more than the one in WDW.  Just saying.

Christmas day's goal was the Candle Light processional.  We had a dinner meal package for that, lucky enough for Fast Passes for Frozen, and a day to enjoy World Showcase.  Because we also want to try and do all the little side adventure type things we also did the KidCot adventure of taking Duffy around the world for the little one.  The big one decided to do the Agent P adventure for the day.

We also did a little browsing around Disney Springs in there and some exploring around our resort since we stayed at Boardwalk.  Overall, I would say it was a good choice, even though the parks can get crazy around the holidays.  Is it something we will continue to do year after year?  Still not sure. I suppose for now, as long as we're enjoying time together, then where and when doesn't really matter.

A New Normal

For most of my adult life, my holidays have been filled with some sort of crazy family drama.  Before remarrying, I was basically adopted into my ex's family.  It's an odd sort of dynamic to see, when I would be the one hanging out with his sisters and brothers and such when he wouldn't even go near them.  But for my son, and his love for being around his cousins, I didn't mind.  They were a great support system for me, oddly enough, and it was nice to have something.

They are a large family, 6 siblings in all, so of course with a large family comes the family type things you expect for the holidays.  Sometime around 2007, the oldest of the sisters stopped talking to me.  Like legit wouldn't even say hi to me.  No one knows why.  She would even exclude me from gift giving and such.  For years, YEARS I ignored it.  I would even make sure my son had a gift to give his aunt, despite her blatant hatred of me. 

This is not to say I'm perfect and everyone should love me and all that jazz, I have my quirks.  I annoy myself sometimes.  But I also always felt on the outs.  I have a deep love for my home-state and am not shy about it.  Apparently this also rubs people the wrong way when you joke about it.  I also have a dry sense of humor.

Anyway, fast forward tome getting engaged.  And not like they never met him or anything like that.  He had been with me at all family functions, played with the kids just like every other uncle, participated in everything, sometimes more than core family members and all that.  Anyway, so we get engaged.  And most of the family is congratulatory.  They know I had a super rough time with my divorce.  That it wasn't something I banked on.  But for one, the congratulations went to "wait, you're leaving" in 2.5 seconds.  Which then went to another sister not speaking to me.  Well, sort of speaking to me, but mostly giving me the cold shoulder.  Thus upping the awkward family meter.

Jumping ahead once more to now, 4 holiday seasons later.  As we are now states away, and I am not a fan of living in snow, we have carved out our own family traditions.  They are much smaller now and much lighter.  My planning and shopping seem to be much less stressful and actually enjoyable, which is super nice.  I know many people living the military life find the moving and being away from family during the holidays hard.  They miss the gathering and being around everyone.  I think it's okay to be the opposite of that though.  It's okay to enjoy just being together, especially when your spouse is able to get the days off. So while we may not have a house filled with 25 or more people, our family of 4 is still having a very happy holiday season.

Fluff and Stuff

It's obviously no secret at all that I enjoy purchasing custom made items for the little one, or myself.  Top of the list of my favorite vendor to purchase from is Wild Pigeon Clothing.  So much so that I signed up to be a brand representative.  I know that blogs are riddled with sponsored posts these days, as is YouTube with sponsored videos and really I'm not totally into those. I would also be totally selfish if I didn't share when items from this vendor are on sale.  It's holiday shopping time and these would make amazing gifts for anyone.  And as luck would have it, during this weekend there isn't one but three different opportunities to buy!

 

12/15/17 2pm Eastern

The first sale is today, 12/15 at 2pm Eastern direct from Wild Pigeon Clothing.  This is just a peek of what is up for grabs.  I know those wipes are calling to me.  Not only are they some of my favorite prints (Nightmare and Misfits!) but they are suuuuper soft to boot.

Imagination Creation Congo 12/15 9pm Eastern

Second is just a few hours later at 9pm Eastern at the Imagination Creation Congo.  What's a Congo?  It's sort of like an online marketplace where you have multiple vendors selling various items.  Sometimes to theme, sometimes offering customs of specific fabrics, and sometimes just whatever they have recently created.  This is legit how I found the vendors that I purchase from and have not been disappointed.

Geek Chic Fleet Congo 12/17 3pm Eastern

Lastly, for the Harry Potter lover, the Geek Chic Fleet Congo will be opening on Sunday at 3pm Eastern with a full Harry Potter theme. The items in this you do not want to miss.  These are some of my favorite prints and you cannot go wrong with any of it.  Only way you can go wrong is if you miss it!  The pants are grow with me, meaning you can enjoy it on your little for a long while  Also one of my favorite styles so that I can behold the cuteness for more than just the 6 months these kids are in sizes for!

Definitely set some alarms and get some soft, fluffy, one of a kind goodness.  Links to all sales are just below the pics for them, so hurry and join before you miss out!

Sweet and Feisty

Two countries.  Two cross country moves.  Two children and two marriages.  My cats have seen a lot with me over the last 17 years.  They weren't always the sweetest things, as most cats aren't.  But they were well loved.  About two years a part, Cosmo and Shibby have been the best cats I've had.

Cosmo, being the oldest of the two, is definitely my alpha cat.  Except where Stitch is involved, but that's besides the point.  She rules it all and it's her domain.  As long as there's no barking at her.  She's a feiry silver and white cat, pushing 19 years old.

My sweet little cat/dog who loved to cuddle was her little sister.  Sort of.  They never really did cuddle up together, but as they grew older they tolerated each other much more than when they were little. Shibby, while not the dominant in the cat domain, gave zero fucks and didn't let any dogs tell her what to do.  There are many pictures of her sleeping in the dog's bed, showing him who's boss.  She's always been my fat little Shibby cat, the baby bobcat.

Today we said goodbye to that feisty little bobcat.  Her kidneys were done and she was unable to hold herself up any longer.  Rather than put her through a battering ram of medicine that would only prolong the inevitable and mask the pain she was in, we let her go peacefully.  And while it's never easy saying goodbye to a loved one, it's even worse to watch them suffer. 

Sleep well, my sweet little cat.

Wonders

Outfit by Wild Pigeon Clothing

A couple weeks ago we headed down to Disney for the weekend.  I know, total shocker.  I can't even tell you the last time we went, it's been so long.  And yes, I crack myself up.  Anyway, we headed down to Disney so the older child could spend a little time with one of his friends from IL.  If I'm able to afford him the ability to meet up with some of his old friends, it feels nice to be able to get that for him.  I know when he visits his dad, he may or may not get to see them, even though he's finally in the same state and only a short drive away.

So we ventured down so they could meet up at the Magic Kingdom, but not before we took a stroll through Hollywood Studios on Saturday.  We haven't been at Hollywood Studios since our first trip down for race weekend, so it was a fun change of pace.  We weren't looking to do much, just kind of stroll around, especially since it was raining, but we did get some fun things in.  Pixar live was amazing.  And surprisingly the little one did really well through it.  He danced to the music and was excited when the characters came out.  We even stopped down and got to speak with the conductor.  In case anyone is wondering, he arranged the entire thing, and no there's no place to obtain that arrangement, even if you just wanted one part.  We were wondering if they had the violin piece anywhere so the kid could play it.

We als dipped in to see some characters in the Launch Bay.  The Jawas ere out and about, which were fun.  Side note: I'm totally short enough to be a Jawa.  The Little Mermaid stage show was cute.  We didn't hav the greatest of seats, and it was kind of low key compared to seeing the Nemo at Animal Kingdom, but it was still cute nonetheless.

On a whim we ventured down towards Midway Mania and thanks to the amazingness of a cast member that we just happened to talk to, we got fast passes for.  The little one LOVED it and we even got the high score in the car.  Rounding out the day, we stopped in to see Starlord and as an added bonus, baby Groot.  The character actor they had playing Starlord was great.  Totaly in characer and hilarious.  Complete interaction with every group and not the same recycled stuff either.

Outfit by Wild Pigeon Clothing

On Sunday we went into Magic Kingdom to meet with friends and the kids had a blast.  It's so odd when they're old enough to venture off on their own.  Not to mention when they grow a foot taller than you!  So we took the little one on the People Mover, Small World and to see some characters.  It's so fun to see him react to the different things.  He definitely likes people characters more than suited ones. 

All in all, while it was a short jaunt, it was a nice weekend.  Rain and all.  Due to schedules we're not sure when we'll get to go down again, but I'm sure it won't be long.

Misery Loves Company

Once upon a time I used to join message boards to network with people and get support from people in similar life situations as me.  What I noticed then was that on boards of thousands of people, you find the select few that you can actually talk with.  I have made a handful of friends this way who I have talked to over the years, and some I have had the pleasure of meeting.  In some cases these people are easier to talk to than people who I see in my day to day life.  In some cases, I feel like I need to explain myself less to them as I'm not as afraid to say things or explain things.  Worst case, I turn off my computer and never hear from them again.

After some time, my life changed, the boards shut down, and now the world uses Facebook groups.  They're not nearly as intuitive for a group chat setting as message boards were.  You lose posts, you miss posts, and people seem to be more vindictive and more open to sharing what you post.  I have also noticed the level of snarkiness has raised in these settings.  Not to say that I don't love some good snark, but it feels like it's Mean Girls and there's no safe place in the quad to go.  These groups are meant for support.  To lean on someone who has a similar situation to yours, or is going through something you have come out of.  Unfortunately, they seem to be more for places for people to commiserate about how bad they think they have it and just want to play the "woe is me" game. 

Don't get me wrong.  I have had my days where I just want to vent.  I need to get everything out of my system and be able to move on with it.  The problem may be with the layout of the Facebook groups.  Miserable posts get lots of responses.  Which in turn pushes them to the top of the pile.  So you see these posts so much more often than the ones who just want to know if someone has a good book reccomendation. 

It's unfortunate that so many people just want to wallow.  I try my best to always have a positive response ready for someone who is having a down time.  Not that it's trite and not that I'm trying to make light of a situation, but trying to help give another perspective on what they have going on.  I like to help my friends, and if someone wants nothing more than for me to tell them the world is terrible and will continue to be that way so they should just give up.. not gonna happen. 

I'm not sure where I was going with all of this.  There's been a lot going on in my life recently and I've been hoping for a way to change my perspective.  I'm working on a "fake it till you make it" course of action right now, where I keep listing the good things of the situation, even if I'm not one hundred percent sure that's what will come of it.  At the end of the day I have my health, my friends, my family, a place to sleep and food to eat.  I guess what I'm aiming at is, if more people tried to have a more positive outlook, maybe so many wouldn't be so surly all the time?